Conditional

I just realized that I have never been loved unconditionally,

I’ve never been loved the way I want to be loved, the way I should be loved.

In a romantic relationship: I always cater to my partner but don’t get the same in return.

I am loved under the conditions that my energy does not overwhelm them(although they claim to love my energy at first), 

that I open up(but don’t get upset when they decide to not do the same or abandon me),

that I trust them completely(but don’t expect the same trust back), 

and that I love them unconditionally(but that I understand that they can’t do the same for me).

In a platonic relationship: I am the one that’s always there for others when they’re going through stuff, I always listen if they want to talk. But when it’s my issues I am left to deal with them alone.

I am loved under the conditions that I can always be reliable(but understand that they can’t do the same because they lead busy lives), 

that I listen to them and give them proper advice(but understand that they aren’t good at that, so they can’t do the same for me), 

and that I love them unconditionally and accept them for all they are(but understand that I have to act a certain way to make them look good, and not regret our friendship).

In my family: I used to strive for perfection because that’s what my parents wanted. They claimed they didn’t want perfect children, but they did.

I was loved under the conditions that I did good in school(“you don’t have to be the smartest, but understand that if there is anything under an ‘A’ in that report card, your ass will get it”), 

that I’m a “good” boy and grow up to be a “good” man(by their standards of course), 

and that no matter what they say, have said, or have done to me, that I love them unconditionally. “Honra a tu padre y a tu madre dice la Biblia”, that’s what they remind me, almost every day.

~KC

• Éxodo 20:12: “Honra a tu padre y a tu madre, para que tus días sean prolongados en la tierra que el SEÑOR tu Dios te da”.

• Exodus 20:12: "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you”.